The Orbis

Issue date: 2/25/08 Section: Entertainment

'The Guide to Getting it on'
Paul Joannides
Goofy Foot Press

If your Spring Break plans consist of sitting forlornly in your room as your friends bask in the sun in an exotic locale, wishing you too were divulging in college spring break decadence, perhaps all you need is some light reading. Paul Joannides' "Guide to Getting it On!", all 854 pages of it, may be your answer to getting wild, even if only in your thoughts. A book written to truly appeal to all ages, this sex guide provides insight into everything from the proper way to kiss to double penetration, from swingers and nudists in the military to the history of Barbie and Ken. As shocking as the topics may be, the book is casual and humorous enough to prevent you from needing to hide it under your mattress, out of your parents' sight. In fact, they would most likely enjoy reading it too, no matter how conservative they might be.

The fact that the guide encompasses sex in its entirety - from its history, to positions, to pop culture- makes it distinct from other general how-to guides. It doesn't leave out many types of people, either, with an entire chapter devoted to sex with people with disabilities. Even better, the text is accompanied with informative as well as amusing illustrations. No matter how raunchy the illustrations may get, it's hard to be embarrassed when you read the witty captions and the informative text that goes along with it.

Joannides explains perfectly what sets this sex guide apart from others. In the chapter entitled "Intercourse - Horizontal Jogging," he explains, "We try to present it with a level of feeling and intelligence not normally found in popular books on sex that mostly focus on positions." And feeling and intelligence it most certainly contains. With enough humor to lighten the mood, each chapter is informative enough to make it worth reading while actually learning useful and educational material, not to mention exciting and adventurous tips and tricks.

Moreover, this guide is uniquely the kind of sex guide that you could read to your kids...literally. With a chapter entitled "Explaining Sex to Kids," Joannides gives advice on everything from what to do if your child walks in on you having sex, to signs of child abuse, to discussing masturbation. So if that conservative parent of yours catches you reading the guide, there really is no need to feel awkward if you flip to the page about condom advice, showing its true educational value.

Even the most detailed review of this book would still not do it justice, because its astounding length and the detail it includes cannot be summarized. It is simply something you need to discover and peruse on your own. It will broaden your horizons as a reader, and maybe even in bed. You can order a signed copy of the guide as a gift for every occasion (www.GuideToGettingItOn.com). Until you've read every page, this is truly a book you won't want to put down for anything...except to have sex, of course.

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