2008 Woodie Awards
News Briefs
A roundup of strange and appalling news items from around the globe.
Staff
Issue date: 2/5/07 Section: News/Features
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FEDERER WINS DOWN UNDER
Roger Federer, the 25-year-old tennis android from the Orion nebula, won his second straight Australian Open and tenth Grand Slam overall on Sunday, downing Chilean Fernando Gonzalez. In an embarrassingly poor performance by his standards, Federer gave up 13 games in his 7-6, 6-3, 6-4 victory, a fairly disappointing finish to a tournament in which Federer did not lose a single set. Federer will, however, maintain his No.1 ranking for the 156th consecutive week, a streak still humiliatingly short of the 286 weeks Pete Sampras spent at No. 1 in the 1990s.
UNC ADMISSIONS DROPS THE BALL
The admissions department at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill mistakenly sent out an e-mail last week congratulating 2,700 students on their acceptance to the university even though none of them have been admitted yet. The two employees responsible for the error had intended to send the e-mails, which request midyear grade reports, to students who had already been admitted. The employees have since been fired but have taken new jobs at an HIV testing clinic.
BUSH GIVES HIMSELF A PROMOTION
In a rebuke to congressional Democrats (and some Republicans) who oppose the escalation of the war in Iraq, President Bush said last week, "I'm the decision-maker" about troop levels. The line marks a significant shift in the president's rhetoric since last April, when he told reporters, "I'm the decider and I decide what's best," referring to his decision to retain Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense. With his vocabulary gradually improving, Bush may declare himself the Adjudicator by the end of 2008.
BROWNBACK SLAMS LIEBERMAN'S IRAQ WAR POSITION
On a recent interview on Fox News, Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn., criticized a non-escalation bill in the senate on the grounds that it would "encourage the enemy" and "discourage our troops." While this familiar line of reasoning has been frequently employed by the administration and other supporters of the war such as Lieberman, even many Republicans are no longer buying this argument. In a bizarro moment, Senator Sam Brownback, R- Kan., previously a staunch supporter of the president's war, repudiated the claim by noting that he "doesn't see this enemy as needing any more emboldening or getting it from any resolution. They're emboldened now."
Roger Federer, the 25-year-old tennis android from the Orion nebula, won his second straight Australian Open and tenth Grand Slam overall on Sunday, downing Chilean Fernando Gonzalez. In an embarrassingly poor performance by his standards, Federer gave up 13 games in his 7-6, 6-3, 6-4 victory, a fairly disappointing finish to a tournament in which Federer did not lose a single set. Federer will, however, maintain his No.1 ranking for the 156th consecutive week, a streak still humiliatingly short of the 286 weeks Pete Sampras spent at No. 1 in the 1990s.
UNC ADMISSIONS DROPS THE BALL
The admissions department at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill mistakenly sent out an e-mail last week congratulating 2,700 students on their acceptance to the university even though none of them have been admitted yet. The two employees responsible for the error had intended to send the e-mails, which request midyear grade reports, to students who had already been admitted. The employees have since been fired but have taken new jobs at an HIV testing clinic.
BUSH GIVES HIMSELF A PROMOTION
In a rebuke to congressional Democrats (and some Republicans) who oppose the escalation of the war in Iraq, President Bush said last week, "I'm the decision-maker" about troop levels. The line marks a significant shift in the president's rhetoric since last April, when he told reporters, "I'm the decider and I decide what's best," referring to his decision to retain Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense. With his vocabulary gradually improving, Bush may declare himself the Adjudicator by the end of 2008.
BROWNBACK SLAMS LIEBERMAN'S IRAQ WAR POSITION
On a recent interview on Fox News, Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn., criticized a non-escalation bill in the senate on the grounds that it would "encourage the enemy" and "discourage our troops." While this familiar line of reasoning has been frequently employed by the administration and other supporters of the war such as Lieberman, even many Republicans are no longer buying this argument. In a bizarro moment, Senator Sam Brownback, R- Kan., previously a staunch supporter of the president's war, repudiated the claim by noting that he "doesn't see this enemy as needing any more emboldening or getting it from any resolution. They're emboldened now."
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